Disclaimer: this is a pretty personal post and I don't even know why I'm posting it on my blog, because that's generally what I keep a journal for. But I just felt like I needed to post this one. So feel free to just skip along to the next post, unless you want to read about my love affair with Arkansas. Because I really think that's what it's become... that's a bit embarrassing. But only a bit.

For some reason I have been feeling homesick lately for the last few weeks. Homesick for Arkansas. For a while I couldn't figure out why that would be, because I don't usually get homesick too badly and I actually just saw my family about two weeks ago. That definitely doesn't mean I don't like my family, though. I'm just the kind of person who is either there or I'm not. I tend to focus on the people I'm with, more so than the people I'm not with. Which is why I'm terrible at calling, skyping, and generally keeping in touch with people. I should probably be better about that.

 I realized, though, that this is the first time I haven't been in Arkansas for the summer. No wonder I'm feeling like this! I think it also doesn't help that I've been spending my summer doing things that remind me so much of home, but don't quite make up for it. I'm reading a series right now that takes place in South Carolina with the wonderful language only the South can call its own: "yes ma'am", "praise the Lord the almighty Redeemer, hallelujah", and "bless her heart". I've been up in the forest with the family for the past week to go biking and hiking and swimming in lakes. But it's not the Ozarks. Having a bonfire and roasting marshmallows, but with no graham crackers or Hershey's chocolate. Eating watermelon, but without my grandpa sitting across the table from me at the dinner table, slurping his half of the watermelon down. Swimming in a tiny pond, not Beaver Lake (although the poisonous snake did make his appearance all the way over here in the Czech Republic as well). 

And I'm not saying I never appreciated Arkansas and that I'm finally doing so now, because Arkansas has always been my favorite place when people have asked (and I get that question a LOT). But I think I've just started appreciating my home even more. There are so many memories in those forests and rivers and lakes and there can be no substitutes for the place where someone has had such a wonderful childhood.

So I guess this post was just an excuse for me to go find all of the photos of the place I love best and to reminisce for a little while. 

I swear those dead trees in the background have been there since the dawn of time. My cousin Stephen told me once, in typical big brother trying to scare little sister fashion, that people were tied to the trees a long time ago and now their skeletons are still tied at the bottom of the lake to those trunks. I guess it worked though, because I'm still a little spooked to venture over there.

Flying in grandpa's plane and seeing a side of Northwest Arkansas not a whole lot of other people get a chance to see. The lake sure is even prettier from up above. Flying with my grandpa, even the stone quarries around his house look prettier, especially where they've dug so deep that crystal clear springs have created small little aquamarine lakes.

The view out grandma and grandpa's kitchen window. When I was a little girl, I always loved waking up at their house in the morning and watching the sun sparkle off of the surface of the lake down below as I smelled grandma cooking her buttermilk pancakes. There was always a cooking show on the tv in the background, too.

Swinging on the back porch in this swing, looking out at the trees. Listening to them at night as the wind rustled through the leaves in the summer, almost sounding like the ocean waves. Holding hands with boyfriends, talking with my mom, reading a new or old book. Listening to the birds.

And of course Bentonville Square. With our beloved Confederate Soldier and Walton's 5-10. The Farmer's Market every Saturday morning. Christmas lights with friends when I was in high school. Getting kicked out of the Station Cafe because we were younger than 18 and naturally would get up to all sorts of trouble...

My back yard. Green. Forests. Life. Comfort and protection.

And of course, Southern food. I miss pulled pork, funnel cakes, shaved ice from Frozen Tung, fried chicken, barbeque. Anything that could make you gain ten pounds in one sitting and come one step closer to a heart attack. Nothing else like it.

So I guess to add on to all the sap that has been going on here, here is one more:

Arkansas, you will always be home to me.

I thought I'd just post a little post about my thoughts on life lately. Haha. That sounds so... hipster... or philosophical. Oh well. 

First of all, can I just say I wish my near future was a lot more like this photo: one narrow path and one possible outcome or direction. This trying to find a job is really stinking hard! Especially when you don't know what you want to do. I feel like there's this vast ocean of professions out there, but I don't know which one to pick! I wish, just for a little bit, that having majored in International Relations meant that I would be going into one specific field, one narrow path, and that I didn't have to spend so much time looking for it. That I would just follow the trail and come out where I was supposed to in the end.But I'm grateful life isn't like that. Because agency is a pretty great thing. At the end of the day, I want to be satisfied with what profession I have settled on and the path I took to get me there. It probably will not be straight, and the outcome will probably have been one of many possibilities.

Second, I've come to the realization that I have been looking at a lot of house stuff on pinterest lately. I think that means I want a house or an apartment of my own. I'm so done with the whole roommate/ you can't paint the walls or hang anything up phase. I want to be able to go to Helping Hands or some Thrift Store, buy some furniture with some really great bones and fix it up. Make it something really special that I can keep in my house for a long time. I want to print off all of these photos I've taken, put them in massive frames, or order some canvases of my photos and hang them, with a real nail, in my walls. To go to Lowes or Home Depot and pick out a paint color and make my walls colorful! I want to get everything out of all those boxes I have stored in grandma and grandpa's hanger and remember all the cool places I've been as I hang my stuff on the walls and set them out on shelves.

Lastly, I turn 23 in a few weeks.  Actually... less than two weeks. For some reason I keep thinking about how these are the last few years of my "golden year" (my birthday is June 22nd = I am 22 years old) and that I haven't done much with it. But I think that's a lie. I've done some pretty awesome things this year. First of all, I now have a Bachelors of Fine Arts in International Relations! And a minor in German! I have graduated from 18 years of schooling! I still haven't 100% decided whether or not I will go back to school. Part of me thinks, "No way! Never. Eighteen years was long enough!" But another part of me is thinking, "Well... then I wouldn't have to find a job. And maybe then I could do some internships over the summer that are only available to current students." Who knows? Like I said, the path I'm on is not a straight one with only one route. Second, I decided to come to Prague, all by myself! And it may seem like a cool thing to say that I came to Prague for the summer, but I think the best part, for me at least, is knowing that I did this by myself. Knowing I had no friends or anyone else I knew waiting for me in Prague, I did it anyway. And it wasn't that bad. So maybe this means I am growing up and can do scary things all by myself. 

As Benjamin Mee says "Sometimes all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage, and I promise you something great will come of it."

I had my last class on Tuesday. My last class. It feels SO good to say that. School is definitely not my thing, so I feel liberated knowing that I won't have to have another homework assignment or a test for the first time in eighteen years. 

But I also feel like I've accomplished something really amazing. I had the blessing to get an education for eighteen years. There are a lot of people in this world who are fortunate to get five years of education.
Anyway, finals start tomorrow. I have three tests and a final revision of my capstone standing in between me and my diploma. I am so close! It'll be nice to be free for the next four months after that until the real world sets in and I have to start work. Hopefully sometime in those next four months I'll have found a job. Here's to wishful thinking.

Last weekend a group of friends and I decided to go to St. George for the weekend (Bri and I decided we were going the night before, haha. Wouldn't be a vacation for a Stoker if it wasn't last minute). It was a ton of fun, so maybe at some point I'll post some photos of what we did while we were down there. I really need to be better about my photo updating habits. It takes me months! Maybe when I don't have to worry about that pesky homework.... oh that will be so nice.

Something I've been working on lately. It will hopefully be part of a series in the future. We'll see how the little project goes though:

 

When I was growing up we went to Las Vegas basically every summer to visit my dad's family. One year, a cat had left all its kittens in my aunt's sprinkler box. Thinking they were all girls, my parents volunteered to take one home with us (girl cats hunt mice and keep all those other pesky varmints out of the yard). Pirates of the Caribbean had just come out, and we thought the name Poppet, which is what the pirates call Elizabeth if you don't recall, would be cute. Turns out by the time we made it back to Arkansas little Poppet had become Captain Jack Sparrow the cat.

Cap'n Jack everyone:

Back in February some friends and I went on a short girl's trip to Vegas. They don't give us many breaks here at BYU, so when a three day weekend rolls around, it seems like there's this mass exodus from Provo. We thought we'd join in on the fun and have ourselves our own early mini-Spring Break.

Some day I will have lots of time to update my blog, knit anything I want, cook a five course meal, and get straight A's.

But it is not this day.

Nor this semester apparently. It's already March! How the heck did that even happen? I graduate in a little over one month and then.......

Well I'm still working on that one.

Anywho, I thought I would sweep up a few cobwebs and post something on this lonely little blog. :)

Here's some photos from some photos I took of my roommates back in January:

It's been a while. Wow... obvious statement. I was pretty sure I could handle taking 17 credits and working at the same time.... which I can. Just at the sacrifice of everything else, as is evident by the lack of posting on here. But anyway, here are a few things I've been up to recently:

Hiking up American Fork Canyon to Silver Glance Lake. Can I just say it was a gorgeous hike? I'm tempted to do it in the winter... is that crazy? I just have this feeling it would be gorgeous in the snow....

I've taken some engagements for some couples. These guys ^ were SO cute. Seriously, I can't even handle it. They're getting married in December and then moving to Moscow, Russia in January! I'm crazy jealous!

And I went up to Park City! I only got a taste of the town, so I feel like it's necessary to go back.... I loved the plethora of photography exhibits in this town. I could spend days.

I applied for graduation yesterday. Please tell me I am not the only one who thinks that's absolutely crazy! People keep asking me what I'm going to do after I graduate. I keep hoping that every time I say "I don't know" someone will think that's a valid answer. Hasn't happened yet. I guess we'll see!

July 13th: Open

This seemed to be an appropriate photo to share today. I feel like the last couple of weeks have been about being open. And I have failed miserably at it. Be open to changes, be open to new ideas, "don't worry about it." Where am I going to be in seven months? I have no idea. But I guess I am supposed to be open to whatever it is and just not worry about it. I sure would like to know what His plan is sometimes.

"The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty; not knowing what comes next.

Ursula K. LeGuin

July 12th: Texture

I have started going weightlifting with Bri in the morning. And I am being completely honest when I say that I don't think I've ever been this sore in my entire life. So I better look smokin' hot in a little while. A killer body in exchange for a (hopefully) few days of soreness.

I think I can handle that...

July 11th: Letter

It has been a crazy week! I feel like I have been running around like a crazy person! Probably because I have been a crazy person trying to catch up in all my classes and move in at the same time. But I am caught up in my classes and the room looks pretty lived in now, so I'm hoping HOPING things will calm down now. We shall see!

Man! You would think that since it's Summer and all that I would post on here more often.

Wrong.

The problem is my computer and all my photos are ALLTHEWAY downstairs in the basement, and even though that is where I now sleep, I never go down there because it's so lonely! So I never update my blog. Long story short.

Anyway,

On my birthday I went to work and got to run nifty errands, like depositing lots of money in my boss bank account, mailing things, and dropping packages off.... and did I mention I got to driver her BMW. Nifty? Nifty.

One of my bosses (the husband and wife own the company) brought me flowers. :) After work I went shopping with my mom and McKenna and got some new work pants/ sexy pants. Ha. Not really, just cute work pants.

I then had my traditional birthday dinner at Johnny Carino's where I opened gifts. I got:

- A cool ring from Megan that she found in Spain. It's black and has etchings of birds and plants and such. She also gave me a nifty screwdriver with exchangeable heads. I just want to go unscrew all the screws in everything. I love taking stuff apart, so thanks Megan! Right now I really want to take my iPhone apart and put a new screen on it.... I'm thinking this screwdriver is a sign from Heavenly Father. Or Megan just being really nice and helping me be prepared for every situation. Eh... who knows...

- A moonshine jug (it just says moonshine on it, unfortunately. Just kidding! I'm just kidding! Choose the right when a choice is placed before you...... ) from McKenna along with a wicked awesome mug that has a TARDIS on it that switches from one side of the mug to the other depending on the temperature of the water in it, and a bag of Trolli gummy worms. She sure does know the way to my heart. Alcohol, Sci-Fi nerdism, and a sugar overload. McKenna, I love you.

- A knitting needle set from my Aunt Stacy. Is it weird that when I say knitting needle I always want to spell it like so: knitting kneedle?

- Some cool knitting books and clothes from my grandma (and some money! Yes!)

And most importantly (sorry everyone else! You're gifts were awesome)

A NIKON D7000. I don't think I typed that large enough. Let's try again.

!!!!!!!!!A NIKON D7000!!!!!!!!!

 So now feeling completely fulfilled and happy, the lot of us jaunted over to the movie theater and saw Brave. Because, you know, it came out on my birthday. :)

I hate when I go through these phases of not posting anything on here. I do love you, my little blog! I wish I was a good enough blogger to post on here everyday, but I'm not. I will freely admit that.

Work has been going well. It's getting better as I get the hang of things. I think in the beginning I was mostly just dissapointed with myself because I wasn't doing everything perfectly and I would have to go back and fix something, or redo it a few times before they were happy. But I'm getting better and not making so many mistakes.

That makes the perfectionist in me smile.

In other news, my trusty D60 has finally met its end. Tear. My little camera was worked until the day it died, the  poor thing. Last week my mom wanted to get some pictures of all the kids together for Father's Day. Thinking my wonderful D60 was in working conditions we brought it along (and dumbly brought only the D60). While my mom directed everyone on where to sit, I began to set up the camera and get everything ready so that all my mom had to do was look in the viewfinder and click the shutter release button. Before I could take more than three pictures, the dreaded "Error. Press Shutter Release Button Again" Screen came on.

Well... dang it.

If you have a Nikon DSLR and this happens to you, start crying and be ready to cough up a lot of money to get it fixed. Just a heads up.

I wasn't really surprised, I'll admit. But I was dissapointed. In order to get the problem fixed, I would have to put more into the camera than it was actually worth. And take away from what I was hoping to spend on a new lens. No thank you. As is recommended by most professional photographers, I wanted to invest in a few quality pieces of glass before I upgraded my body. Right now I only have a kit lens and a portrait lens (50mm). I LOVE LOVE LOVE my portrait lens, but I don't take just portraits, and as I was explaining to my mom, putting a Nikon D60 kit lens (18-55mm) on a super nice new camera (lets say a Nikon D7000 (: ), would be like buying a Mercedes Benz with cloth seats. You just don't do that (sorry all you cloth-seat Mercedes-Benz drivers. But really? You would do that?).

Let's just say this forced my hand into quite a fortuitous situation, in that I bought myself a new camera! And since I found it for a good price (thank you dad for your 10% employee discount at walmart!), I also got a pretty good lens to go with it.

So long story short, I have a new camera! Huzzah!

Since I ordered it on Saturday night I have been tracking the order online religiously... as in probably every two hours... to the point that I knew it would arrive at my house today. I patiently made it all the way through work knowing that I would get it today. My new camera. :) I arrive home and the first place I go is the front door. No package. Lamesauce. Dad's sitting in his office, so I ask him. He informs me that the package did arrive. "WHERE IS IT?!?!?!?!" I'm thinking. Really I just asked "Where is it?"

"Ask mom."

Running over to my parent's room where mother is taking a nap. (It was worth waking the sleeping mother up and risk facing her... irritation.)

"You can't have it."

"What? WHY?!"

"It's not your birthday yet!"

So that is the story of why I have to wait until Friday to get my new camera. Sadness.

But I have a new camera. :) And I'm assuming its beautiful.

So I may or may not have been a little depressed about my camera breaking, which is why there were no posts for a while. But its fixed now, hence the posting!

We have been back from London for about a week and a half now. We got back Wednesday, McKenna and Robb left on Trek on Thursday, and Friday I started my job. So I now work Monday through Friday and most importantly, I am making money! Huzzah! So far I'm enjoying the work, and since they keep me busy pretty much the whole time I'm in the office, it goes by fairly quickly.

Anyway, here's a little picture of Kenn. Fashionable as always. :)

The assignment for the 3rd of May (I know, I'm a little behind on posting these, but hey, at least I'm taking the photos, right?) was something that I wore that day. My first thought was to photograph my ring, and not just because it's pretty, although that does help... :)

But I thought of this ring because it is special. The last year my family was in India my mom decided to get me something really nice as a souvenir for living there. I had seen this type of jewelry several places and had really wanted some of it, but with the necklaces having a price tag of upwards of $3,000, I decided I would have to scale it down... a LOT. I'm a small person though, so I think that was a good thing.

Anyway, we had seen a couple of rings around, but none of them were exactly right. They were round, instead of a tear drop, the band was a tiny little thing that looked as if it would break with the tiniest mistreatment (and we all know my luck with such delicate things), and so on. So my mom and I together designed a ring that was just right. The result was this ring... sort of...

I had been wearing the ring everyday for over a year (like I said, it was special to me! Of course I was going to wear it everyday!), when, on the way home one day while in Vienna, I looked down and noticed the whole face of the ring was gone. Such a huge bummer! Luckily my mom was still in touch with the jewelers who made it and when they heard what had happened they promised they would replace the ring free of charge if we could just get it back to India.

One must never doubt my mother's connections.

Long story short, a couple of weeks ago I finally got my ring back and it has since resided once again happily on my finger.

So that is the item I wore today.

Is it just me or does everyone start their blog post about five times, erasing after each attempt, before they decide that what there presenting to the internet nether-world is adequate? I should start keeping track of how many times I write something, read it, decide it's not witty enough, erase, and start over again. This is my blog. Shouldn't I just be able to type up whatever the heck is in my head? I guess not.

Anyway, some updates on my life recently:

1. Kenn and I just got back from an awesome concert, The Black Keys:

2. My family got my mom this precious gem for Mother's Day:

Her name is Eva, she is a boxer, and she is the cutest thing you have ever seen. Schatzi and Sophie, of course, will have nothing to do with her. Mom has been spending a lot of alone time with just Schatzi, so that Schatzi knows she's still "special". Preventative measures in case Schatzi decides to go collapse into a pile of dead white fur with her last thoughts being "oh no. It's for sure this time. They didn't get it right with that little mutt they call "Sophie", so now they've really replaced me with a new dog." Like I said, Schatzi is special.

3. I am still looking for a job.

4. McKenna and I saved a turtle today while driving back from Tulsa. This is big news. Apparently it was "Community Turtle Suicide" day today, because we spotted five turtles in the middle of the highway within the space of an hour.

5. Today is Sunday! Yay for Jesus-ness!

As much as I rat on Utah, it can be a really beautiful place. Especially southern Utah. This was taken on one of our many trips from Arkansas to Utah.

Anyway, I haven't really been up to much. It's great to be back in Arkansas, surrounded by greenery. And family. And good food. Just surrounded by goodness. 

I need to go take more photos of people. I know I have TONS of photos to share, but I feel like I've already used it all on here. Maybe I'll wrestle one of my siblings into letting me torture them with a camera....

"Life is a great big canvas; throw all the paint on it you can."

Danny Kaye

Thirty-six hours later and I have arrived back home in Arkansas. Who would have thought that driving through flat, boring plains, otherwise known as the state of Kansas, could exhaust someone as much as it does?

Anyway, there is not much to update anyone on in my life at this current moment. The job search starts tomorrow... or the next day...

For now I'm just going to breathe in the wonderful scent of Arkansas-ness and enjoy being surrounded by excessive amounts of greenery.

I can feel the sun peeking from behind the trees. Please come quickly next Wednesday.

This isn't much of a post. The internet is being slow, per usual, though.

Finals week, please be kind?

So I've almost made it! I survived classes! I just need to get through finals week...

My last day of classes wasn't going to let me go so easily. Yesterday I had my final project due in my stats class. That alone is saying enough. But I will elaborate anyway.

 Everything was going great on this project of mine. I worked on it a bit in the morning and all I needed to do was rerun an analysis and then edit it and make sure everything sounded fine. After class, I go to the lab, open up the document... and realize it's the wrong one. Shoot. I run the analysis I need to and realize that there is no way I can finish my project unless I get the right document. It's now three o'clock, I'm on campus, my paper is at home, I haven't actually typed up the analysis, and the project is due at five.

Crap.

I think that was the fastest time I have ever walked-ran from the SWKT back to my apartment. I work on it until 4:20 rolls around and I decide to just print it off without going over it one last time. At about 4:30 I get that stinking project turned into the box and wipe my hands clean. Of an accumulation of sweat, anxiety, and terror. Man do I hate cutting it that close. But. I am finished now. Take that Wednesday, April 11th. I got my project turned in on time, I went to ALL my classes, and I win.

I started packing up last night. I swear packing is one of the most therapeutic activities. Maybe because I've done it a number of times (really what college student hasn't?), but I love it. It's starting over fresh. Every three to six months. What am I going to do when I'm a grown up and have to live somewhere for longer than a year? 

We'll jump that hurdle when we get there... hopefully it'll be a we... and not just a me... living all alone... by myself. That's such a depressing thought.

God gives every bird its food, but He does not throw it into its nest.

J. G. Holland